OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize