I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
