She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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