three words: i give head
three words: not that well
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
