I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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