Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
