You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She bit a glass in half.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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