i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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