Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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