# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize