Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Rumble strips road head = magical
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
