my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
