sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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