I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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