dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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