i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize