We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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