My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize