Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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