If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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