you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
this hospital has no fireball
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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