people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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