the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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