No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
