The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize