So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
