I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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