do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
COCAINE IS GR8
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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