I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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