so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
