Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
