Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
