Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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