Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
