she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Randomize
