Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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