How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize