You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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