how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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