Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
