i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
