She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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