why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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