Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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