sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
