literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
