He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
