getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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