Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
