How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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