just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
