he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
