But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
