If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize