I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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