you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
