how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
