Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
