So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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