my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize