Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I don't think brook has ever known best
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
