how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The adults are the big ones right?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
