I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
