He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
