Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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