When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
