Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
